last week i saw with my own eyes what i've always believed & possibly what generations of parents have vehemently acknowledged. children are a blessing & you get double dose if you have daughters. 2 touching instances of filial piety prompted me to write this blog.
the 1st is a 89year old great-grand mother who has a tumour of the bowel which required urgent surgical removal. she has not been in good health for a few years & the surgery would be deemed life-threatening but necessary. after much delibration & discussion with the family members, it was unanimously agreed upon to proceed. all possible scenarios were elaborated, the best-scene being a complete recovery & eventual discharge from hospital to live happily ever after, to the worst which is a death on the operating table. as in most things in life, this event took the middle path - a successful & complete removal of the tumour but the dear old lady got bogged down with her pre-existing heart problem.
3 of her grand-daughters flew back from the US, Canada & UK respectively . they fed & cleaned her, talked to her during her lucid spells & each took turns at keeping virgil by her bedside at other times. they were the ones who spoke with the doctors, & enquired of her condition & prognosis. even though she didn't get better, the grand-daughters showered her with love & compassion right till the very end, endorsing a very special relationship that can only be borne out of years of unwavering loyalty, consuming kindness, constant pampering & pandering to whims & fancies - the stuff of sugar n spice & everything nice. a definite one-up for the sisters!
another tale of maternal dedication emerged the same week. a middle-aged woman was admitted to hospital for surgical treatment of a complication of her poorly-controlled diabetes. she also had a stroke recently which left her weak on 1 side & unable to speak. it was her daughter who took leave from work in another state to help nurse her through this difficult period. again, it was her daughter who helped feed & clean her, & stayed by her bed side. again, no sign of any male offspring.
so, my question is : where are the guys? maybe these older women never had sons or grandsons & maybe if they had, i sure dread to think that they were caught up at work or somewhere else in this world cup season, not when the matriach need them most. could it be true to tradition that boys are made of snips & snails & puppy dogs' tails??
there must be a song about women or daughters in the archives somewhere. was it john meyer who wrote about daughters? does he know something we don't when he sang...
"So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too."words that ring true for all of us. i pray & hope that when i am on death's bed, my angels will shower compassion as they watch over me.
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doc in private practice venting steam....because life is more than just stethoscopes, syringes & getting woken up at unearthly hours.
10 comments:
Filial piety is the main core. If all children in the world are filial to their parents I am sure they'd be taking care of them when they are old.
(:
kyels,
filial piety is a rare & very much sought-after attribute. children see it & learn it from the way the parents treat THEIR own parents. as the cliche goes, what goes around, comes around.
Yes, it's true. What goes around comes around. But what to do if the parents are not willing to instill those values in their own kids.
Jim Brickman is coming to Malaysia and will be perfoming in the Arena of Stars on the 5th of August. If you like instrumental; you should check him out. Heehee.
(:
I see you finally managed to put the link. Goodie!
kyels,
it's a real pity if parents aren't able to instill those values, but sometimes that happens when other unavoidable factors come into play.
yes, i've heard jim brickman - very accomplished pianist & some of his duets are classics.
i've managed to link you at last. my apologies for not informing you prior to the earlier attempts & thanks for your help.
I am glad I have a daughter too.She is 12. She observes closely how I am treating my ailing mum...and I know I will get the same treatment from her!
just me,
children have impressionable minds & as parents, we should thread carefully at what we say or do in their presence.
i'm happy to know that your daughter will mimic your love & compassion for your mum. may His healing hands be upon her.
I agree parents play a part in instilling values but I strongly believe that values are in most part, self-taught either through observation, reading or self-reflection. Everyone is responsible for one's own actions, good or bad. My two cents.
happysurfer,
i concur.
we all learn parenting from our parents, people's advice, self-help books, etc. & try to practise what we perceive to be good for the children.
for example, my father used to cane me when i misbehaved, & since i turned out ok, i too did not spare the rod for my son.
thanks for your 2 cents' worth & keep them coming!
It has been a year since my grandmother died. She was very much the one person whom everyone in the family respected and the reason we all (cousins, uncles and aunts) meet up. We were all at home when she fell ill and just before she died. My sisters and I flew back, my aunt (her daughter too travelled across the world). I think as women, we all grew up with a compassion to care and love openly. Men, not that they don't care, but they see forefathers be the ones to go out and work and foremothers to provide food and keep the family together. My brothers may not have been by my grandmother's bedside as often but that did not mean they loved her less. They have been living close and visiting regularly when she was alive spending time with her. I have a daughter and a son, and living in a western country and having no other family around, I sincerely hope they will grow up knowing the value of respect, love and compassion. Having elderly parents living in your house I hate to say is not a common practice in the UK. Let alone looking after them.
dear fl,
thanks for your comment.
it's uncanny! i was just clearing some of my stuff this week when i came across your letter & wondered if you received my reply, & here you are!
living in a foreign country requires loads of adapting to the sometimes extreme changes. my wife & i were 1st-time parents when we were in UK & we were very appreciative that our mothers elected to stay with us for 2 months to tide us over the initial experience. we "survived" another year on our own after that before returning home.
i have absolutely no doubt those were some of the best years of our lives.
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