grass on the other side

couples living together without getting married is as common in the west as fish & chips. cohabiting is also not a totally new concept in malaysia, either. the reasons they give include saving on house rent, sharing the washing machine & spending as much time as possible together. some see this arrangement as a prequel to the main event (marriage) - a trial of sorts to determine if living together permanently is a viable option. a bit like trying on clothes before the purchase to see if the material feels comfortable or if it's tight at the crouch.

sometimes the trial period is too brief to discover if the other person lives like a pig, & sometimes no amount of trial will uncover the bad habits & shortcomings.

years ago when a close friend K needed a change of jobs, i asked him which of the 2 possible options he's lined up was his preferred choice. i remembered his saying that it would be a dream move to have YC as a colleague. YC is a pioneer at another medical centre & his exemplary reputation had preceeded him. obviously K was thrilled to death when YC personally vouched for him & invited K to join in a partnership (marriage of convenience??).

the "honeymoon" lasted only 1 week before disgruntled feelings & displeasure emerged, mostly YC's. it wasn't long before K realised YC was hard to please. it seemed YC relished being in charge of things - a "control freak", in K's own words. he wants things done a particular way, usually to his own advantage, & naturally would not budge from his stand. K , being the junior partner, put up with it for a whole year - he filled in for YC when the latter was unavailable to fulfill his responsibilities, did stuff which YC distanced himself from & at the same time, sacrificed his own free time to carry out those additional duties - before things came to a boil.

K decided enough was enough & "filed for divorce", one that was almost as acrimonious as michael douglas & katheleen turner's in the movie "war of the roses". except that nobody got killed here. however, accusations were hurled, mostly by YC, & tempers flared, mainly YC's.
they went on separate ways & it was years later before they got back on speaking terms. however, one can still feel the simmering heat in the background.

so, is the grass greener on the other side? there are single men & women who think marriages are made in heaven while some married couples swear that marriage is an institution from hell. K thought YC was the perfect partner until the ugly side reared its head. i received an sms some time back which cheekily declared that getting married is like going to a restaurant - you order what you like, then wished you had what the other guy is having.

my own simplistic 2sen worth of opinion is that marriage is an act of faith, a journey of hope & a commitment of love. no period of cohabitation will make it work - if hope, faith & love can't get the job done, nothing will! didn't paul the beatle sing that love is all you need? even better is to heed the advice of paul the apostle :

"do not be yoked together with unbelievers. for what do righteousness & wickedness have in common? or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 cor 6:14