a father's day blog

fathers' day came & went.

i was never particularly close to my father & still am not. i can't really figure out why. my father is a quiet, unassuming person & seldom shares his thoughts. my earliest recollection of our relationship is one of a stern & strict discipline. he used the rotan as & when it was needed to impose some form of control over my inherent delinquent nature, or so i thought. hard as i tried to recall, i don't think i had terribly bad behaviour.

but he was definitely a family man. as often as he could, he would take mum, my kid brother & i out on evening drives by the sea....actually, the straits of johore but to my young mind, anything that was not on land was sea. we would sit by the grass verge & try to count the number of stars in the sky. i only learnt much later that there are as many stars as there are grains of sand on the beach - infinite. again, how naive & gullible our young minds were!

two things my father impressed upon me, was the importance of doing well in studies and to have a masterly command of the english language, both of which i'm not sure if i have fulfilled but which, i hope to impressed upon my kids. ironic, isn't it - i couldn't do it but hope someone else could!!?? it was mum who taught that it was important to be a good person as well. was that why i was closer to mum? one reason could be that she played the roles of father, mother & companion when my father had to work in another state for 6 of my formative years & the other was that it was mum who supported me thru varsity. but i knew my father was, & still is, very proud of me when i graduated. i still remember he was close to tears when i left for UK to do post-grad, appealing that i came back soon. "soon" was 4 years long.

just before i came home, he had to undergo major surgery & i extended my deep, heart-felt appreciation to a fellow colleague who took care of him while i was away. he pulled thru after a few near-death escapes, only to develope parkinson's disease (a neurological disorder resulting from a lack of a brain chemical, causing tremors & slurred speech) years later. his symptoms are now controlled with medication but, by & large, there is no definitive cure currently.

fathers' day has never been celebrated in my family with the same significance as birthdays or chinese new year. so, a phone call home did the trick but he knows, come rain or shine, my brother and i will be home for his birthday, feting him to lunch at his favourite restaurant. perhaps it was the sight & aroma of the black-pepper crabs & deep-fried prawns with oats that litted up his face with glee but i suspect it has as much to do with the timely gathering of his family - his clan - on his special day. perhaps, that's all that matters as he enters life's twilight.

children are truly a blessing, & i have been richly bestowed twice over. my elder girl is 12 this year & she made me a card from the printshop software. the boy is 4 & he conjured up, with some help from his kindergarten teachers, these cards in which he drew what he perceived to be me - big head, small tuft of hair & small eyes with glasses. how we see each other reflects our mental maturity, socio-cultural influences & personal experiences. perhaps the sweetest, most beautiful images are seen thru the innocent eyes of a child.