Monday, March 05, 2012


kids are often looking for acceptance from their peers. as students, they join school societies & cliques, & maybe out of school, they join secret societies & gangs.

my son has his own group of friends in school - the so-called english-speaking group. you know the type - speaking english amongst themselves despite being in a chinese-medium school. the other day, this group tormented a girl by calling her names. she cried as she told her mother. fortunately, her mother & my wife are friends & that's how we knew about that incident. when we questioned the boy, he revealed that although the group was verbally harsh to the girl, he just stood there & said nothing. the girl confirmed that my son was just a bystander.

i can imagine the predicament he was in. to support his group & harass the girl or do the right thing & abstain? to consolidate acceptance into the group or to risk alienation?

adults aren't much different. acceptance, recognition or approval - they mean the same, a desire to be part of a group, be it family, work colleagues or business circle. 

i myself found acceptance last week. my daughter finally added me to her FB.



Cara Lim said...

Doc: I can imagine the predicament that went through your son's mind and I am glad that he had a good moral compass to guide him.

Even as adults, we do through this same dilemma all the time but with maturity and better understanding of group dynamics, we are sometimes able to pre-empt things.

As for FB, good luck to you. I have since "unfriend" Melissa 'coz it is hard to keep a straight face when The Husband asks me what is HIS daughter up to these days. *laughs*

ilene ong said...

Oh dear ... parents on FB - dangerous move!

Life sure is delicate & complicated. Difficult to please everyone. *sigh*

doc said...


isn't it more straightforward to keep in contact with melissa & just tell the hubs the truth - 2 birds with one stone?

doc said...


to whom do you think that's dangerous to?

i spoke to a few friends in a similar situation & they say the trick to avoid being "unfriended" is to watch from a distance, only say & do something if you think the kid is heading down the slippery slope.

i'm taking that advice.

Tempus said...

omgoes adding my parents in FB is the LAST thing I would do! But then again, if I have cool parents maybe I will give a second though.

your son did something wise on that particular moment. All he need to do is explain to the girl later, and probably tell his english members off how immature they were.

then again, who cares about being immature?

ilene ong said...

Danger to your daughter DOC as I'm pretty sure dad's going to have his say! Unless ... dad's grouped under a different category! :) :) :)

See no evil, Hear no evil, Do no evil!

Small Kucing said...

sometimes even adults also afraid to speak up

Anonymous said...

"i myself found acceptance last week. my daughter finally added me to her FB.

yay!! " funny :)

doc said...


it would be nice if my daughter thought i was cool but i doubt that's the reason she added me.

i don't think the boy knows or wants to explain this sensitive situation to the girl, & certainly the last thing he wants to do is to tell off his english BFsF.

doc said...


i hope i don't need to comment - just watch from a distance.

doc said...

Small Kucing,

some are more expressive than others, probably have more guts, too!!

doc said...


hey, fathers are humans, too!

Michelle Mak said...

hey i added my dad too! hahaha he wont comment.. but he will laugh at me at home.. directly on my face if he thinks is funny! hahahah

doc said...


that's different if you still live with your dad.

Oldstock said...

Doc, you taught your son well. If we cannot help, the least we can do is not to harm.

My youngest son was the last one to add me on FB... after many of his cousins already had me on their list.

Unicorn Girl said...

Doc , I've been in your son's shoes before - and yes it happen around his age too . At the end of this all , the person whom my frens and I bullied - we are close pals till today .
It's just another phase in life I guess cause my nephew is being bullied by his bus mates - so says my sister .........

doc said...

Salam Oldstock,

my son is naturally a timid boy, a trait he didn't inherit from either of us, & sometimes he gets bossed around by his friends.

your situation mirrors mine - my daughter added me ONE YEAR after she opened her acct!!!

doc said...


kids will be kids but it's important that no malice is involved, so that when they grow up, they can laugh over it!!

btw, has your blogspot gone private??

Anonymous said...

" finally..." how long did you have to wait?

just me

doc said...

Just me,

since she left home - 2 years ago.